Fat Girl In a Skinny World

I LIED!!!!

2011-06-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

So my last post I stated that I was back in full effect and committed….that was a lie…I’ve been lazy…been to the gym a few times but, no where as much as I should be going.

I just have had so many other things going on in my life that exercise and eating right has taking a back seat to every other priority I have going on.

When I first started blogging, I thought how do these people writer consistently for months or years and just come to a standstill….I was soooo excited, so motivated and I thought I would never go back to the old me….but then life popped up….smacked me in my face and said: “Don’t get too cocky!!!” So, now I realize that it’s a blessing everyday you are motivated, you’re on track, and you’re working towards a healthier, happier YOU!

So, I’m just going to try my hardest and keep writing whether I’m on track or not. I realize now that it’s not going to be easy…you can’t count on everybody…and it takes a true change of mind, heart, and soul to make a permanent change!

I turned 25 years old last week and I thought. “Wow….there’s so much more I want to do, that I want to be!!!” So, it’s Monday….a fresh start and I hope that you’ll continue to encourage me and uplift me and I’ll do the same for you! Thanks for all of your encouragement thus far!!!

I'm BACK!!!!!

2011-05-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the emails....texts...and calls....to support me during my three month slump of depression but, I am back.....

This post is short and sweet because I have an early, long day tomorrow but....I will catch everyone up with what's been going on tomorrow!!!

Take care and God bless!!!

What Happened to me!!!!

2011-03-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

That’s the question I’ve been asking myself!!! I’ve had probably the hardest two weeks of my life. A lot of personal issues so I won’t divulge the details…but just know the idea of being isolated from anything and everyone seems like the greatest thing that could happen to me right about now.

With so many issues on my plate….my focus has been diverted and health has taking a back seat. Who wants to eat right when the rest of their life is in shambles? I‘ve cried and prayed and cried some more. I’ve cried and sang and cried some more. I am just at the point where I just do not care anymore and that’s a hard/scary place to be!!!

In the back of my mind….I know that everything is going to work out for the better but, some of the things that I’m going through just don’t make sense at all. How is this uplifting me….how is this motivating me?

All in all, stress has consumed my life…if I’ve lost, which I doubt I have…it’s because I’ve been too stressed to eat. The gym has become a thing of the past and I’ve hit every fast food chain you can name in the last two weeks.

I just can’t care about my health when I feel this depressed. Usually I share my post on Facebook but I think I’ll just leave this one to the blogging community. Just pray for my perseverance and strength. And hopefully I’ll get back on track today.

Lack of Motivation/Monday Milestones

2011-02-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

Right now I feel like I’m at a stand still….I’m getting very tired and finding it hard to find the motivation to write down everything I eat and make it to the gym everyday. I haven’t become lazy all together but my once seven days a week exercise regimen, has trickled down to a three day a week regimen. I’ve become burned out, and while it would be easy to blame it on my environment and the people around me….I have to take responsibility for my own actions.

Even when everyone else around me is eating bad and not exercising and reassuring me that it’s okay to cheat….I still can’t get in. I have to find the willpower to recommit 100% and focus on my goal. Too often have I done well for a while and then slowly let myself slip back into the disaster zone. Not this time. Not this year. I refuse to let all of my hard work and all of the people who are proud of me down….even if I am in it alone.

It’s frustrating to wake up in the morning and exercise or want to go to the gym and no one wants to go with me….or even go out to eat or to another event and have people all around me doing the wrong things. It’s the same people who said they would be there to partner with you, to be your exercise and calorie counting buddy. But, while I sometimes feel alone…I have to remember it my life…my health and no one is going to care about it as much as I do. So, without any further hesitation….I’m getting my lazy behind up….getting to work….tracking my calories again and finishing what I started!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not a weak person and I will not allow gluttony and laziness to defeat me!!!!!!! Pray for me guys!!!!!!!!!!

MONDAY MILESTONES:

GET BACK ON TRACK>>>>NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

82 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Milestones...late again!!!

2011-02-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!!!!

I'm running extremely late so this post should be really short.

Last week I pretty much failed my goal of exercising everyday for the second week, although I did keep my calorie intake right on track. I didn't right down everything I ate near the end of the week but, I tracked throughout the day each day...I just didn't write it in my journal.

This week: Same goals as last week but to succeed and to get just as invigorated as I was a few weeks ago. Preparing for Valentine's Day slowed my progress towards the end of the week and I won't let that happen again!!! All in all...even with my lack of focus I managed to lose 1 lb. Not an extreme victory but, better than a gain!!!!

I have a big Physiology test today and I'm nervous...I could have prepared better. But, I have an extreme case of Senioritis!!! Send up some prayers for me....5 minutes to get to class...I gotta run...FAST!!!!

HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!

Approximately 87 DAYS TO GO....I MAY BE OFF BY A DAY OR TWO!!!!

Love is Bigger Than Just February 14!!!!

2011-02-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

I love Valentine’s Day!!!

I absolutely love love!!! I know a lot of people are in sour moods because this day stands as a reminder that you’re single. But, even without a companion…you’re still not alone!!! God loves us all so, on Valentine’s Day…I thank him for sending me my love and giving me love for myself again!!! I love myself enough to make a change and to maintain a healthy body!!!

So, whether you’re alone or with your significant other…take time to love yourself!!! But, most importantly take time to give thanks and show love to the greatest man I’ve ever known…Jesus Christ!!! No greater love have I ever known than to give of your life…so that I might live!!! Wow….if that doesn’t make you want to show someone the smallest bit of love…I don’t know what will!!! God has been TOO good to me for me not to give him acknowledgement on this day!!!!

Thanks for giving me a time to have a spiritual reflection because at the end of the day….this lifestyle change is bigger than my body!!!!!!

ENJOY YOUR DAY AND SHOW SOMEONE LOVE!!!!

BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM TOMORROW!!!!

Monday Milestones...extremely late!!!!!

2011-02-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

So…..I do realize that I am EXTREMELY LATE!!!! But here is my recap of last week:

GOALS:

· Eat no more than 1500 calories everyday…Sunday is the Super Bowl so I may stretch for 1600 for Sunday if I do well the rest of the week because I want something sweet!!! – I excelled…and I left room for two sugar cookies and two chicken wings for the super bowl!!!

· Exercise every single day for a minimum of 30 minutes and exercise twice at least two days this week. –FAILED….Last week I was just mentally and physically drained. I missed two days of exercise but, managed to recover and exercise the rest of the week. So, since I didn’t exercise everyday…you would think I definitely didn’t squeeze in two exercises any day last week. BUT….thanks to my Wii….I managed to squeeze two extra mini exercises of about 30 min each on Friday and Saturday night, challenging my family in the Wii Fit games!!!

· Write down everything I consume (water included). –This one is getting harder as the weeks go along. I may not write them on the spot anymore but, I usually write everything at night or the next morning but, I am having a hard time keeping up with my water.

Overall, I just assumed I had a lousy week and was ready to face disappointment UNTIL I climbed on the scale yesterday and saw I lost 4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay me!!!! Super super excited and it motivated me even more!!!

So, for my MAKING the WEEKENDS WORK Challenge----I succeeded. I worked hard this week, I ate smart and I didn’t let my earlier failures deter me. So, I’m excited about this week…I’ve been doing great so far and I can’t wait to see how my next weigh in turns out!!!! Stay encouraged people!!!!!

Wednesday Milestones: LOL

Goals for this week: SAME AS LAST WEEK BUT THIS TIME I WILL ACE EACH ONE!!!!

94 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW CAN’T BELIEVE IT>>>TIME IS GOING BY FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it really just Tuesday?????

2011-02-01T14:37:00.000-08:00

It cannot just be Tuesday!!! From the looks of the start of my week…I’m in for an uphill battle!!!! Set my goals yesterday and already failed one of them yesterday and today!!! I just have not been motivated to work out these last two days. After two weeks of everyday exercising….I’m Whooped!!! I just have had absolutely no motivation to make myself get up….even for my last minute workout sessions like I usually do. My body is drained I’m mentally drained, and to top it off I’m a bit under the weather.

I spent the day at the doctor’s office, on campus doing homework, back to the doctor’s office, and back to campus to finish homework. I still have yet to see the inside of my apartment. I skipped breakfast and ate fast food for lunch…I feel lifeless and HUNGRY!!! So, exercise today is a no!!! I hope tomorrow I can muster up the strength to get back on track because I cannot go back to feeling like this. I have worked too hard and been too successfully to screw up now.

On the flip side….I knocked out all of my homework for the rest of the week so, that’s a burden off of my chest. And it made me feel proud when they weighed me at the doctor’s office and said, “Oh, you’ve been losing weight!!” But, right now I just want to collapse in my bed and devour a gallon of Cookies & Cream Ice-cream!!! I won’t do it but, I want to really really really really really really really really really really….I think you get the point.

So at this moment I need prayer, a reminder to myself why I’m doing this, a long shower, and a good night’s rest!!!

Maybe it’s just the crappy weather that has me feeling so down. Oh well…I must go on….Happy Black History Month everyone!!!! Have a good night and I’ll update you soon!!!

102 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Golden Corral Challenge and Monday Milestones

2011-01-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

FIRST UP Monday Milestones….LET’S SEE HOW I DID….

Ø Eat no more than 1600 calories in a day! Down 100 from last week because it wasn’t that hard for me to maintain that goal!! I ACED THIS GOAL!!!! I ATE LESS THAN 1600 CALORIES EVERYDAY…..AND Less than 1500 Calories everyday except 1 DAY and I ate 1540!!!

Ø Exercise every single day!!! Exercise twice a day at least two days out of the week!!!----I exercised every single day even though on Friday I just did 20 min of Wii aerobics…I made up for it on Saturday at the gym!!! And the twice a day exercises…..did NOT happen!!!L

Ø Write down how many bottles of water I drink along with the food in my journal!!----I started off strong but didn’t complete it…I wrote down my water intake 4 out of 7 days

Ø Bring my lunch and snacks to campus; be active as much as possible and weigh in on Saturdays!-I aced everyone of these goals!!!

Golden Corral Challenge

My biggest challenge this past week was overcoming my Golden Corral trip!!! I finally decided to go to Golden Corral after church with Clevon yesterday! The whole ride to the restaurant....I had my phone out and my calorie counter app for my Blackberry working hard to come up with a balanced low-cal meal. I was proud of myself for not succumbing to the buffet. I successfully piled my plate with fresh veggies and one tiny slice of meatloaf. I managed to drink 6 GLASSES OF WATER WHILE THERE!!! I looked in envy at the all the other diners whose plates were piled with the exact opposite of my plate (Lots of mashed potatoes, Macaroni and cheese, dozens of yeast rolls, Pepsi after Pepsi, and NO veggies!!!) I had sugar free Jell-O for dessert...but, I really wanted a cupcake!!! I felt proud of myself as I walked out and thought about all the calories I could have eaten but, had the willpower not too!!!

However….I ate nothing for five hours after that and settled on “treating” myself to a cheeseburger from the previously banned McDonald’s and a hot fudge sundae. I still came in under my calorie intake but, because I felt bad about eating the McDonald’s….I punished myself with 2 hours of step aerobics on the Wii, while watching Basketball Wives and Real Housewives of Atlanta. I burned about 688 calories…which is good amount but, sucks for two hours of exercise!!!!

Well my goals for this week are:

Eat no more than 1500 calories everyday…Sunday is the Super Bowl so I may stretch for 1600 for Sunday if I do well the rest of the week because I want something sweet!!!
Exercise every single day for a minimum of 30 minutes and exercise twice at least two days this week.
Write down everything I consume (water included).

SAME GOALS>>>>>CAN’T THINK OF NEW ONES SO I’M JUST TWEAKING THE OLD ONES. All in all, I feel better…My clothes are getting loser…skin tight jeans aren’t skin tight anymore. It feels good now; just having my clothes fit a little better!!! See you all in a few days!!!!!!!!!!!

103 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-28T11:00:00.000-08:00

I bought a Wii and the Wii Fit!!!! Super excited!!! I’ve played the Wii fit before, while at home for vacation with my mom but, I have the Wii Fit Plus….basically that means now it tracks how many calories you burn along with a lot of new games and cool gadgets. I could hardly wait to get home and open up the box and play, I even slipped on studying for my test (bad I know) But, all in all I’ve really been enjoying it. Yesterday I decided I would do my Biggest Loser DVD and play the Wii for two hours!!! I was extremely tired but, I burned A LOT of calories!! My goal is to use the Wii as just extra exercise and not rely on it solely…mostly because while you do burn calories…it takes a lot longer to burn them playing some games than playing others.

My weekend plans consists of getting a head start on my homework…getting my hair done (AN ISSUE THAT IS STILL DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!!!) …………and relaxing. I’m in the weekend challenge so I’m determined to not let the weekends be a deterrent in my weight loss plan. Wednesday, I weighed myself and I was down another 2 lbs since Saturday!!! I weigh myself again this Saturday and I hope I lost or maintained!!! See you for my Monday Milestones…have a great weekend!!!!

106 DAYS TO GO!!!!!

Weekend Challenge

2011-01-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

I'm in a new challenge:

It's an awesome prize and will help me to stay on track during the weekends!!!

Yesterday was a great day!!! I managed to feel full and satisfied, and even got to eat yogurt and fruit for dessert...all of this for 1,391 calories!!! I worked out at the gym on campus. The downfall of the day was messing up my hair!!!! I cannot stand to walk around with sweaty, matted down hair. You can't have a scarf on your hair while working out at the gym on campus (crazy I know!) The situation with my hair is beginning to deter me from going to the gym on campus and I know I need at least three days a week in the actual gym! But, I am going to keep researching and trying new things or I'll be putting micro braids into my hair until graduation....

Talk to you soon!!! 109 DAYS TO GO!!!!

Monday Milestones

2011-01-24T06:54:00.000-08:00

Monday Milestones:

Today is the day that I present the results of my goals for the week and whether I was successful or failed miserably…so let’s recap my goals and see how I did (results in RED):

MY GOALS:

1. Eat no more than 1700 calories in a day: My calorie totals for the week were as follows: Mon-979, Tues-1360, Wed-1555, Thurs-1930, Fri-1448, Sat-1266(But that doesn’t count my kiddie portion of spaghetti and 6 Jell-O shots I took after my school beat our rival!! They weren’t strong bc anyone who knows m knows I am not a drinker! But, I don’t know what my calorie intake as including this!) Sun-1564

So….all in all I succeeded but, Thursday and possibly Saturday were not good days!!!

2. Do some kind of exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY: SUCCEEDED!!!!! I walked outside two days…went to the gym two days…and did my Biggest Loser dvd three days!!! Checkmark for me!!!

3. Write down every single thing I eat in my food journal: SUCCEEDED!!! I wrote down every single thing I ate from a tablespoon to a cup!!!

4. Bring a lunch and a snack to campus so; I don’t starve myself for the week: This one is a toss up…I forgot my lunch, in the car that my boyfriend took back home, on Wednesday and I was pretty hungry on campus but…I had my Special K bars so I ate that and a granola bar and that helped a lot. The other days I either didn’t have class or I had a late class so, no lunch was needed. But, a healthy snack was in my purse each day!!!

5. Weigh myself on Saturday: SUCCEEDED…I weighed in at 239…down 2 lbs…a bummer but, two is better than zero or a gain!!!

6. Use every opportunity to be more active whether it means get up and wash the dishes or clean up the house: SUCCEEDED…I made an effort to more active in my day to day life….washed the dishes everyday and made sure I just moved so, I was not just sitting in the bed watching TV!

My goals for this week are:

Ø Eat no more than 1600 calories in a day! Down 100 from last week because it wasn’t that hard for me to maintain that goal!!

Ø Exercise every single day!!! Exercise twice a day at least two days out of the week!!!

Ø Write down how many bottles of water I drink along with the food in my journal!!

Ø Bring my lunch and snacks to campus; be active as much as possible and weigh in on Saturdays!

Last week was pretty good but, this week I want to push harder, choose my calories smarter and get more sleep!!! Thanks for all your support. I’m starting a new challenge…more details coming soon, along with a link!

110 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CHEATED!!!!

2011-01-21T09:56:00.000-08:00

Yep…that’s right….yesterday I cheated!! Me and Clevon were up late at a friend’s house and I started craving ice-cream….so I convinced him, rather easily I must say, to take me to McDonald’s and we both got ice-cream and a McChicken at midnight!!!! I felt bad the whole trip there but, the filling soon subsided after taking the first bite of the hot fudge sundae. It tasted divine!!! After devouring the high calorie foods, it brought my calorie total for the day to 1930!!!!! The highest calorie intake I’ve had in two weeks by more than 400 calories!!! I can’t do this again, especially so late at night!!!

I haven’t cheated on my workouts. I make sure I workout no less than 45 minutes a day but, I still feel horrible!!! And then I instantly thought to myself…of all days to cheat…you pick a Thursday…when you have the whole weekend ahead of you!!! Thursday is such a lousy day to choose for a cheat day!!!

It’s a big weekend for my school (RIVAL GAME) so, I have friends coming in town but, I will remain disciplined. The majority of my girls are supportive so, I’m sure it won’t be a problem. But, it’s going to be a long weekend so, pray for me and hopefully yesterday will be my only CHEAT day!!! Headed to the gym later and Urban Active in the morning with my friend CeCe who’s coming in town!!! See you tomorrow!!!!

112 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!

Better Late Than Never

2011-01-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

After being on campus all day until 5 pm, I hardly felt like working out yesterday, especially with no one to work out with. After playing SIMS and watching American Idol (I only watch to laugh at the real horrible singers!), I decided that I should get up and do my Biggest Loser dvd at 10:30 at night!!! Although it was late, I felt like late exercise is better than no exercise at all!!! But, I think I’m going to do some research on when is the best time to do exercise….is there a good time or even with my late exercise I’m effective?

Yesterday was definitely a balancing act, that I didn’t do so good at….me and Clevon got our schedule’s mixed up and I was stuck with no lunch and forced to live off a granola bar and a Special K bar for lunch!!! I sooooooo wanted to raid the vending machine but, I resisted the temptation!!! Thursday will be a better day but, it should be easy because I don’t have class until 2!!!

I just want to do as good as I possibly can so that I can look back on the last few weeks…whether I lose 2 lbs or 20 lbs…and say I tried my best!!! If I try I will be proud of myself….I’m going to try to do the Biggest Loser twice today because there’s a big snow storm coming through (I hope lab gets cancelled!!!!) .

I can’t wait to see how I look four months from now!!! I’m finding really fun ideas and lots of good success stories from reading other blogs and watching television programs that pertain to my struggle!!! Keep the feedback coming….it’s my fuel!!!

113 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleepy Blues

2011-01-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a good day…I became registration complete for my last semester at KSU!!!!! I went to the gym energetic and came to a road block, Exum, our gym at school….was completely packed!!! Not a treadmill, weight bench, or elliptical was free. How is a woman supposed to work out with conditions like this??? So back home I went and that’s when the laziness set in. I already had a two hour power nap earlier...LOL…so did I really want to sleep again…YES!!! This is the time of the month that every woman dreads and fatigue sets in…my Aunt Flo has come to visit and dampened my mood drastically!!! But instead of going to sleep, I watched an hour of the Kardashians and went to the living room to do my Biggest Loser DVD. The DVD is not easy! It is a straight cardio workout and you feel it afterwards, especially if you’ve already been hitting the gym.

I ended the night watching Biggest Loser (Can you believe those twin brothers gained 9 lbs each in one week!!!!) and of course…The Game ( which was good but, too short!!!!) And I ate an ice-cream sandwich while watching Biggest Loser and paid for it afterwards because it did not sit well with my stomach right at all. But, my calories for the day were still 1360!!! So, that’s not too bad right…I indulged but, still was within my calorie limit.

But, after another battle of cramps, I felt restless an extremely hungry…so I indulged again and had a Special K bar and a bag of popcorn bringing my grand total to 1710!!! Not what I wanted at all but, still under my 1800 calorie max!

I visited the blog: Diary of an Aspiring Curvy Diva and she had a great idea!!! So, I’m participating in the Monday Milestones, which you set goals for the week…and report your progress the next week, along with your new goals for the week. So, it’s not Monday but, I’ll tell you my goals for the week and let you know what my progress is next Monday.

MY GOALS:

1. Eat no more than 1700 calories in a day….I’ve been eating 1500. My original goal was to stay within 2000…but, I’m way below that so, I’m going to try and keep it up.

2. Do some kind of exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY unless I suffer an injury of some sort….which I’m praying I don’t.

3. Write down every single thing I eat in my food journal.

4. Bring a lunch and a snack to campus so; I don’t starve myself for the week.

5. Weigh myself on Saturday.

6. Use every opportunity to be more active whether it means get up and wash the dishes or clean up the house.

So, there you have it…my goals for the week. I hope to accomplish these goals and develop more goals to accelerate my weight loss. I hope that I don’t let these cramps get the best of me and I continue to succeed. I planned to wake up at six and walked to campus from my apartment and then back to my apartment (Round trip 3.1 miles but, I think it should count for more because that hill is a beast!!!). BUT…that didn’t happen so; you’ll see me walking it later this afternoon. Until next time….

114 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!

BACK TO SCHOOL

2011-01-18T08:12:00.001-08:00

With the start of the new semester, I find myself anxious and excited to be approaching the end of one chapter in my life and the beginning of a new one. My goal is to focus on my studies, while sticking to my weight loss regimen. Yesterday I was in such a lousy mood and my spirits were not lifted much, probably due to the crappy weather we’re having right now. But, I managed to drag myself, and Clevon, on a 2 mile uphill hike up to campus. Halfway up the hill, I felt like, God I’ve been working hard, this should be easier to me now….but it was a reality check that I still have a long way to go. I had a few friends think that we had become stranded on the side of the road but, I reassured them this was all a part of my new lifestyle and they may see me trudging up the hill on several occasions. We also had a couple of friends honking the horn and cheering us on because they read my blog and that was hilarious and an energy boost all at the same time.

I watched the show HEAVY on TLC and it was a serious wakeup call. Allowing yourself too many indulgences or putting your health/body second can slowly lead you to become over 400 lbs, before you reach the age of 40. That cannot be me!!! I have too many great things in store for me to allow myself to continue on a downward spiral. I encourage myself by watching shows like HEAVY and reading other weight loss blogs so I can see exactly what it takes to be a healthy individual.

I don’t have any classes on Tuesdays, so, tomorrow officially starts my kick off and I will see how hard it is to maintain what I have been doing over the winter break. My plan is to eat a big (healthy) breakfast each morning with fiber, pack a small lunch, and pack healthy snacks to keep me from being hungry throughout the day. If I stick to my five small meals a day, I won’t binge when I get home from class. It’s not going to be easy because I have class, a research project, and work-study. But, I just am going to get organized, get focused, and reach my goal.

Anyone in a similar situation, share with me how you keep it all together. Thanks again for all your support…..115 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meet my Enemy: The Mirror

2011-01-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

Somebody please tell me when they started putting distorted mirrors in the YMCA….while trudging along on the treadmill, I took a sideward glance at the mirror and I know (or so I though I knew) my butt is not that wide or that flat!!! I’m almost 100% positive they must have bought these mirrors from the same place they get the carnival mirrors that make you really skinny and tall, or short and fat, because this is not me. Devastated by the image in the mirror I spent the rest of my workout depressed and anxious to rid myself of my peculiar derriere by the end of the hour, an impossible task I know. After going home, I felt energetic and defeated, all at the same time. It’s something about taking a real look, an honest look, in the mirror and seeing a reflection you don’t like.

However, I do find solace in knowing that regardless of my size or my many flaws, I’m still blessed and highly favored. I’m encouraged that my mother sends me daily affirmations of how proud she is of me, along with everyone’s Facebook messages, phone calls, and text messages. I know I’m a blessed soul because all of your tokens of love and support come just at the right moment: When I feel like I can’t take one more step on the treadmill, when I’m at the grocery store eyeing the candy bars, or in the middle of the night when I just want to eat something.

While this is a journey on weight loss, I’m beginning to see it’s about much more. It’s about being happy with yourself and working hard enough to be proud to say that you are doing everything in your power to be the best YOU, you can possibly be.

It’s been a week and I thank everyone for all your support and all your encouragement, you have helped me get through. I can’t wait to see the new me: physically, mentally, and spiritually…when graduation comes. Continue to pray for me and I’ll pray for you!!!!!

118 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!

Don’t Mess With a Black Woman’s Hair!!!!

2011-01-13T14:31:00.001-08:00

So, tomorrow is my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super excited: Hair appointment at 8:30 am and nails and toes right after…..all for FREE (My gift from Clevon for Christmas)! I saved this day just for this week.

Of course since I’m getting my hair fixed tomorrow….the gym afterwards…not about to happen! You know how a black woman feels about her hair!!! But, I’m still not about to slack off, I’ve been doing too good. So, the plan is to hit the gym at 6:30 am workout for an hour, go home, hop in the shower, and head to the salon!!!!!

But the question that has been bugging me forever is: How can black women workout and maintain great hair??? I joke with my friends and say I feel like I only have two options when it comes to my hair and weight loss- 1)Have Nappy Hair or 2) Be Fat……

But seriously, how are we supposed to stay motivated to go to the gym when we’re walking around with crazy looking hair. I’ve been working my butt off and all along my hair has been ridiculous. I’m not a narcissistic person at all but, I do like to look nice. And while a healthy body type is part of raising that confidence level….so is my hair (It’s a MAJOR part). Tomorrow, I’m getting a relaxer, why would I want to sweat that out???

In the end I’m going to do what needs to be done….but, it’s going to be hard because I want to have nice hair for the first day back to class but, I don’t want to halt my workout because I’m afraid of a hair malfunction. If anyone has mastered this process….PLEASE PLEASE…..I’m begging you….share the secret. Oh and I don’t want to go natural. I know some of you will suggest that to me but, that’s just not me. My hair is too thick and I don’t know how to maintain it on my own so, natural is a nada for me. But, any other suggestions I’m more than willing to try!!!

Motivation after I get my hair done is my challenge for the weekend….so I’m sending up extra prayers. Diet is still good and I’m eating roughly 1500-1800 calories a day (My aunt throws in a few dishes I can’t count calories on so; I just grab a saucer plate and eat just that!!!).

Off to the gym I go!!! See you tomorrow, can’t hardly wait to have fabulous hair again!!!!

120 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God for small Victories!!!!

2011-01-12T21:39:00.000-08:00

As you all may remember I weighed myself Saturday and I weighed in at 243.5. I’m elated to announce, even though some may feel prematurely, I’m down 2lbs!!!!!

While two is a measly number when it comes to other things….to mean this two pound loss feels like a stress reliever. My biggest fear was getting on the scale Saturday and seeing nothing….now Saturday, I can look forward to maintaining my two pound loss or seeing another ½ a pound or so lost. This is my small victory!!! A confirmation from my body that my hard work is paying off and a confirmation from my brain saying that the pounds just aren’t going to melt off (I can work harder and eat smarter).

I’ve been watching my calories and hitting the gym daily but, I have stuck a slice a pizza into the mix….my guilty pleasure for the premiere of the new season of the GAME, which I loved!!! But, I am positive and am learning to resist temptations as much as possible.

Over these last few days, I’ve learned that taking care of yourself is addicting. I find myself in the middle of the night thinking whether I should get up and do some squats or sit-ups. My mom blessed me with a new book, Eat This Not That. The book covers the healthy, low calorie and fat, meal choices to make at restaurants and fast-food chains. I’m not quite ready to face the temptation of an Olive Garden or Cheesecake Factory menu but, when I am….I’ll be prepared!

I just want to thank everyone for the positive feedback and tips!!! I have two big challenges ahead of me….THE WEEKEND and my RETURN TO SCHOOL. Between the two, my return to school is the most frightening. I don’t want to lose focus on my education but, I don’t want to lose focus on my health. So developing better time management will be my first challenge. Let me know of any ideas you have on how to focus on school and your workout regimen.

See you all tomorrow….121 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!

Breakthrough!!!

2011-01-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

Today we had a snow storm and it would have been easy for me to stay in bed and do nothing. But I woke up early and spent the majority of the day running around while babysitting my little brother and sister. I was a nervous wreck by the time I left the jungle, better known as my father’s house. Once again I had a decision to make. I could go home and sleep like I desperately wanted to do or I could stick to my commitment and head to the gym. To the gym I went and I felt more energetic than I did before I went there. I feel good about myself and I am going to continue to commit to myself.

I’ve received tons of positive reinforcement and small amounts of negativity and doubt. But, regardless I’m doing this for me. I’m having a breakthrough!!! I read an awesome quote today:

It feels good to prove people wrong but, even BETTER to prove yourself RIGHT!!!!

I’m adopting that as my motto for this journey!!! Eager, excited, and elated for my new lifestyle!!! 122 DAYS TO GO!!!!!

Jumping Over One Hurdle…..to Approach Another!!!!

2011-01-10T17:29:00.001-08:00

I’m beginning to realize that this really going to be a mental challenge; breaking down pre-existing habits that I have instilled in me. I remember in high school I use to say I’m going to be fat when I get older. Now keep in mind that at that stage in my life I never had wore a size larger than a 5. But, somehow I continued to say it over and over again….almost to ingrain it into my brain. In retrospect, maybe it was my conscience warning to myself that a drastic change in my metabolism would come and I wouldn’t always be the age I was back then. Moving forward I have to change not just my lifestyle but, my mindset as well.

I read an article and it said that what you desire and expect are two totally different things. You can desire the world but if you expect nothing, you’ll never reach your goal. So, it ignited me to think about if my desires and expectations were on one accord:

I desire to get below 200 lbs…..I expect to fail miserably!!!! Overcoming that….beating that mental disappointment I see lingering in the near future is my biggest obstacle!!!!

On a more POSITIVE noteà I was able to have two workouts today. Running and walking intervals for thirty minutes this morning and I walked two miles at the YMCA!!! All while staying under 1800 calories for the day!!!!!! That’s a big feat (well for me)!!!!

I can’t wait to see my slim down moment! There are some that doubt that this blog will do anything to help but, all I can say is…different strokes for different folks! It’s working so far for me!!!

Thanks again for the support and see you on my next post!!!! 123 DAYS TO GO!!!!! (I had the countdown wrong at first)

Out with the Old, In with the New!!!!

2011-01-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

Two days ago, I ate my last meal from McDonald’s. I thought about it long and hard before I placed my order at the famous restaurant chain, symbolic of a life-long relationship finally coming to an end. It had to end with just the right meal….nothing off the dollar menu….a meal that was worthy of a last meal! I finally settled on the Big Mac, ironically named and represents the source of my problem. Along with meal, my aunt blessed me with two chocolate chip cookies, my most recent obsession, which I still haven’t ate but I’ve been staring at obsessively for the last two days. I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I proceeded to down the fast food delight all after taking a tonic Clevon purchased for me from the store to…..hmmmmm…..lets just say clear my system out. A fact that he says defeats the purpose of the small bottle of magnesium citrate. Nevertheless, I completed the task an am anxious for the journey to continue.

àYesterday was a tough day for me. Emotionally, I had been on a roller coaster ride due to some unforeseen personal complications in my life. Spending the majority of my day crying and struggling with my own sanity…I found myself unable to focus on diet and exercise, I over ate and that’s an issue I’m struggling to deal with mentally today. What I learned:

Sad emotions=over eating and Nothing or no one is worth losing track of my goal to better myself. However, I take yesterday as a lesson learned that life’s trials will throw you off track but, you have to push yourself to remember what you’re doing it for.

I’ve been praying and resting in the assurance that God wouldn’t put anything in me that he wouldn’t give me the tools to complete. This seed of a life change was not planted into my soul for no reason and I’m just focusing on how great God is. All the while knowing that one setback doesn’t stop my setup!!!!

Today is a new day full of the same enthusiasm as before and I’m back on track. I appreciate al the text messages, wall pots, and comments on my blog. Some of them came right in the nick of time. Keep me covered in your prayers and support, I appreciate it.

And for what you’ve all been waiting for…………drum roll please-------------------------------------------MY WEIGHT IS 243.5!!!!!! So, now that I know the challenge back to work I go….weigh in next week….hard work and discipline until then!!! Love you all!!!!

122 DAYS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Life Resolution-It's Bigger than a New Year Thing

2011-01-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

I guess you can say I’m more than a little over zealous to get the journey up and started. Hopefully, this enthusiasm won’t die off halfway between my 125 days! I arose this morning at 6:00 am, quite a feat because I didn’t lay my head on the pillow until 1:00 am. Upon flipping on the TV, I’m bombarded with reportedly easy ship diet meals, contraptions that will shrink your tummy and strengthen your core, and magical pills, similar to those that Jack used to get to the beanstalk.

GOAL number 1: SLEEP!!! GOAL number 2: WATCH LESS TV!!!!

I spent the latter hours of my day yesterday contemplating with my boyfriend (Clevon) the pros and cons of this blog. He feels I may be encroaching on my own privacy by sharing my insecurities and struggles with close acquaintances and random strangers…..I beg to differ. This is a cleansing of sorts, an accountability blog that will be a pick me up with I’m having bad days. So, I plan on being 100% honest and letting you into my world so, that we can help each other! So let’s discuss my regimen:

GOOD OL DIET AND EXERCISE (and a lot of prayer!)

One of my best friends has introduced me to every pill and weight loss fad you can think of….I’ve paid over $100 for one set of pills that made me feel like I was running a 5K full speed, while I’m really at home sitting on my bed. LOL But, on a serious note, that was a scary experience. The heart palpitations and sleepless nights was not my idea of a healthy start. I don’t want to resort to dishing out more money, which I don’t have, to pay for something that will not work for me.

Maybe I should clarify my previous blog somewhat….I do not want to be super skinny supermodel….that’s not realistic. I do, however, want to walk up a flight of steps without feeling like I’m carrying an elephant on my back and losing my breath to the point it takes twenty minutes to recover! That is not a good look. I hope to be HEALTHY, CONFIDENT, and fit into a bad BCBG dress like I could four years ago!!!!

However, I do think it is important for me to come up with a more structured plan but, to leave room for flexibility. Today’s exercise consists of a trip to the YMCA!!!!! I went full of energy and hope and 2 ½ hours later I left tired, eager, and a bit disappointed that I could not reach the top of the rock climbing wall. I did your usual remedy of treadmill, walking the track, light weights, and threw in the rock wall to mix things up a little bit. I am determined to beat that rock wall!!!

Skip to four hours later, I’m tired and low on energy. To cut down on the length (***clears throat***) because I’ve had a few complaints, also, a touch of frustration for today…..SO…. I’ll touch on my diet tomorrow. But overall the most challenging thing for today was that Clevon is not in the fight with me 100%. His aunt blessed us with Golden Corral gift cards, a dieter’s worst nightmare! He wants to split the card into two different visits, to get the most bang for his buck and get more bundle for his belly!!!! I, however, am dreading one trip but, will take it as a mental challenge. Two trips…out of the question!!! But, I hope that I can convince him to be all the way in with me!!! Until then the frustration continues to build up, but hopefully not over……

I’ll give you my weight tomorrow…I’m on way to do the Wii Fit with my mom and learn exactly what I’m battling against.

That’s my day, a condensed version…believe it or not. Day two (124 to go)….a lot harder I bet but, I’m up for the challenge!!! Leave your feedback!!!

The Future Is NOW!!!!

2011-01-07T15:59:00.000-08:00

I have finally faced the reality that I am in fact....FAT! The three letter word frowned upon, only muttered in the privacy of our own homes but, forever planted in our heads on a daily basis. The word that people constantly remind us of with every sideways glance and smug look. You can't turn on a television or radio, open up a magazine, or search the web without being bombarded with ads promoting weight loss and healthy life styles.

Being a progressive young female, I find myself anxious to stray away from conforming to society. I've never been one to hop on the bandwagon, per se. So, my refusal to accept that I am in fact overweight has been apart of a rebel lifestyle, or perhaps another excuse to toss into the Hefty bag of excuses I've been toting around (***Maybe that's where the back pains are coming from!)

At a young age I never struggled with my weight. Active until college, my weight loss problems have just began to start in the last.....three to four years ago. In retrospect, I do realize that I could have gotten a jump start on my problem along time ago but I'm cursed by a disease I'm sure many others are facing: LAZINESS!!!!

Now at age 24, I am saying enough is finally enough! (However, I have said that at least 20 times in the last two years) What's the difference now, what's my big motivator? GRADUATION!!!!

I have 126 days until I graduate from college. A small step in the process to continue my career (I want to be a doctor). As I have matriculated, I have lost my confidence. I no longer look in the mirror and see beautiful. (I just took the longest pause, letting the realization of what I just said marinate....maybe weight loss is just one milestone I have in a bigger battle.) So, I need all of you, my loyal, or soon to be loyal, followers to HELP ME!!! Kick my butt!!! Be my BOB from Biggest Loser! Hopefully, somewhere in the process I can grow more and change my lifestyle. In return, you can grow and learn from me!!!

Tomorrow is my first weigh in.....I'm sure I'm around 250 lbs. My GOAL: 200lbs

SEE YOU TOMORROW!!!!---------->

I DO NOT LIKE THIS PICTURE