One step up...three steps back!!!

As I sit here writing this I think…people are going to hate my blog…it always starts with a pessimistic snide remark about woe is me!!! But, despite the fact I’m usually on here venting after a horrible defeat of the week, I do really want to make permanent life changes. I guess I’m the girl who is stuck between a rock and hard place.

I’m working on myself spiritually …pouring myself into every Bible study I can find. I have a true thirst to become not just an associate of Christ but, a true disciple. But, I won’t go into too much detail because this is not a religious blog but my weight loss story. However, my spiritual development is intertwined with my desire to loss weight. With an already ridiculously packed schedule, I find myself picking between the gym and Bible study. 9 times out of 10, Bible study wins and I’m stuck feeling guilty about my laziness for the rest of the night.

However, I could be using Bible study as an excuse to not go to the gym…so I’m confusing myself. In a world where you have a million options on ways to spend your day…its tough to make health a priority. If truth be told…I have more than enough time if I quit polluting my mind with reality t.v…. a move that will help me both spiritually and physically.

Long story short….I woke up…motivated…eager…ready…..put on my gym clothes….grabbed my water bottle….went back and grabbed my earphones and cell phone….ran out the house, smiling, ready for my workout…door slams….and I realize….I have left my KEYS in the house and I am locked out!!!! So…. after waiting for someone to rescue me …my motivation died and I was left at home feeling defeated once again!!!

So, was that divine intervention telling me I’m perfect the way I am or the enemy trying to deter my plans????

Who knows??? I’ll try again tomorrow!!

MAY MADNESS

Semester is over (Thank God)!!! So, I officially have no excuse for not getting back on track.... I have countless days of leisure and I'm prepared to make the most of it!!! So, my goals for May are as follows:

1)      Blog at least three times a week…I think I can make time to get on here and blog and read other blogs to hold myself accountable. Plus, I watch too much reality t.v... anyways!!!

2)      WATER and WATER only!!! Tough one but, I’ve managed to accomplish this before and would like to challenge myself to it again!!!

3)      Make healthy choices instead of unhealthy choices. I don’t feel like writing down what I’m eating. I never stick to it and I just want to change my thought process on choosing foods.

4)      Exercise a minimum of three times a week. At one point I was a gym junkie but, I just haven’t been able to get back into the swing of things.

5)      Be happy with me…. regardless of my size…. I need to LOVE me for me!!! ****THE MOST IMPORTANT GOAL IN MY OPINION****

Overall, I think these are reasonable goals….I’m kind of second guessing the whole not writing down what I eat thing because I think I may give myself the illusion I’m eating better than I really am…so I may change that!!! So, see ya in the next day or tw!!!!

Off to a Rocky Start

It's 10:30 p.m. and I have not had dinner. My fridge is bare and the freezer food needs to be unthawed. I'm juggling on suffering through the night or grabbing a bag of Ramen noodles and scarfing that down. I should have planned ahead but...................................................................................................................................

Here comes the infamous excuse: I've been too busy!!!

Ha...I should scroll down my previous posts and see how many times I've used that excuse. Even if I didn’t write it, I was telling myself subconsciously that it was okay to not eat right/exercise due to my busy schedule!

Unfortunately, I know there truly is no excuse and if I want something different out of my life....I have to change some things!! I was showing some co-workers some old pictures of me and people were shocked that the girl in the picture could ever be me.....REALITY check!!!! Have I gotten so far gone that even I don't recognize that I'm no longer that girl???? It's a harsh but, definitely needed hit upside the head.

I thought the first encounter with my co-workers was a knock out but, the second one by another co-worker was the K.O. I was sitting their eating a Nutter Butter (I know....I know...I know...) and she said...."Everytime I see you, you got something in your mouth." ***Down goes Frazier!!!* In that moment my heart sank and I thought, "Wow, is that who I've become????" I truly need some divine intervention!!!

I think the true issue is that I feel my motives to lose weight are for superficial reasons. I want to dress in the clothes I love, even though I think I'm pretty fashionable now. I want to be the "total package," whatever that is. None of my desires to lose weight actually stem from wanting a healthy lifestyle. I think this is due to the fact that as of now I have no true health issues. No high blood pressure, no back pain, insomnia, diabetes, or any of the other plethora of issues associated with obesity. I still look in the mirror and feel good about myself....on good days of course. But, at the same time I long for the days of feeling comfortable in shorts, tank tops, and miniskirts.

I'm ambiguous with how I feel about my body. It depends on the day...my mood about myself.

Regardless, I know those conditions associated with obesity will come knocking at my door if I don't change. I do need to make a change today, rather than 10 years from now when it may or may not be too late.

The picture at top is me in the Red shirt and In the bottom picture, I have on the black leggings

DAY 1

So, in the interest of not sounding like a rerun....I'll skip the pity party and get right down to what my goals are:

1. Weigh myself today (CHECK) Now subtract 10 lbs and that's my goal weight for May 16

---------> I have literally been terrified of the scale....it's so crazy because I know it is REALITY but, sometimes I enjoy living in the glow of what I weighed last week instead of facing down the trouble I've encountered this week and seeing the evidence of it in the number on the scale. But, now I WILL weigh myself every week no matter what!!!

2. WATER, WATER,WATER......I have to drink more water consistently and not just for a few weeks. I need to come up with some sort of plan that rewards myself for drinking water. I know it sounds weird but, I loathe water. It has no taste and I'm completely oblivious to why people ENJOY drinking water. Drinking water is more of a punishment than a reward for me. I don't like the taste and I don't like it even with lemon. But, I will drink it and record how much and try to incorporate new ways to drink more of it. So, far today....ONE 16.9 oz bottle down.

3. Quit worrying about everyone else's body and concentrate on mines. I'm so bus comparing and analyzing that sometimes I'm my own worst HATER. Sad but, true. It's demoralizing to love clothes as much as I do but, I can never wear any of the items I'm dying to love. I dress to flatter my size but, I want to dress in whatever I want.

All in all....I'm motivated....trying to find the perfect balance between God, health, work, and school. A girl has a lot on her plate. But, no time for excuses. I have to do some research on what it truly means for this to be a lifestyle change. I have accomplished a lot spiritually as far as changing my life around....there are things I simply cannot do anymore because I love God way too much to jeopardize my relationship with him. So, maybe if I carry that mentality over to how much I love my body that will be a great first step.

Pray for me and I hope to have a great first month back on it....AGAIN!!!! LOL

So should this post be called I LIED...again???

It's been a long year.....had some glorious mornings and some demoralizing moments but, all in all life is still great. Now to the weight loss….I had an awesome beginning of the year lost 30 lbs!!! Then….I gained 10 back. But, I love that when I see people I haven’t seen in a while they ask me have I lost weight!!! That’s an awesome feeling.



I’ve been walking around feeling like I’ve seen no change and then pop into a classmate from 3 months ago who stops me and asks, “Hey, have you lost weight?” Literally, tears almost fell from my eyes. It’s so nice to have reassurances.



But, despite the praise from others…I’m far from where I need to be. I have a really good week and a really bad week that negates the whole week before. Why does food have to be so tempting….so good???? Everything that taste divine is filled with fat, salt, and sugar!!! It’s truly bewildering to me that the foods that taste the best, are the worst for you.



I’m not into strict diets. But, by refusing to have no off limit foods….I find myself consuming 20 mini Snickers instead of one. I truly may have an addiction to food. It may sound weird to people that know me because I’m not the size most associate with food addiction but, I truly have NO self-control/ will power when it comes to eating food. Maybe finally admitting the problem is the first step. Regardless, something has got to give because the rollercoaster weight loss ride is starting to make me nauseous!!!!

New countdown coming soon...Florida in JUNE!!!!!

I LIED!!!!

So my last post I stated that I was back in full effect and committed….that was a lie…I’ve been lazy…been to the gym a few times but, no where as much as I should be going.

I just have had so many other things going on in my life that exercise and eating right has taking a back seat to every other priority I have going on.

When I first started blogging, I thought how do these people writer consistently for months or years and just come to a standstill….I was soooo excited, so motivated and I thought I would never go back to the old me….but then life popped up….smacked me in my face and said: “Don’t get too cocky!!!” So, now I realize that it’s a blessing everyday you are motivated, you’re on track, and you’re working towards a healthier, happier YOU!

So, I’m just going to try my hardest and keep writing whether I’m on track or not. I realize now that it’s not going to be easy…you can’t count on everybody…and it takes a true change of mind, heart, and soul to make a permanent change!

I turned 25 years old last week and I thought. “Wow….there’s so much more I want to do, that I want to be!!!” So, it’s Monday….a fresh start and I hope that you’ll continue to encourage me and uplift me and I’ll do the same for you! Thanks for all of your encouragement thus far!!!

I'm BACK!!!!!

Thanks for all the emails....texts...and calls....to support me during my three month slump of depression but, I am back.....

This post is short and sweet because I have an early, long day tomorrow but....I will catch everyone up with what's been going on tomorrow!!!

Take care and God bless!!!